*Thinking*

Well, My life:

A weekend in the Life of Eynha :)

I recently went down to an Airforce Base for my roommate's boyfriend's "Sweep" (going away thingie prior to transfer). The day started with pulling a late night of paper-writing (bed at 4am), followed by getting up at 8 to meet up with a bunch of strangers and then take a 4 hr car ride to a base jammed in the back seat between two VERY LOUD girls. We got there and soon I started receiving random "are you coming" texts from the roommate... who invited me out to where she was - of course I had no idea how to get there even if I felt justified in bailing on the people who just gave me a free ride. (Yes... "Thank's for the ride - I'm off! What was your name again?") It had to be one of the worst nights on record because as soon as everyone DID meet up, I wasn't allowed to TALK to anyone... the AF girls, being totally bitchie. So I spent the night sober, babysitting my one drunk friend, trying to find another drunk friend, and being ignored by both the roommate and her boyfriend... who were the people who invited me down... (and the two drunkies + rm/rmbf = only people I was allowed to talk to). The other girls had a similar night - but add in a fight. The night continued with weird dreams of freaky images and a lot of "waking up"s... very little sleep, to say the least.

However, the next day was a serious improvement. I got to chat with OTHER girls and share tales of the night before in all it's great uggieness. THEN some of the guys took us to play in F-16's. So I got to see the inside of an F-16, play with the triggers, hear how you pee and what you do to avoid pooping on long flights, and fiddle with gadgets. THEN I got to go AMERICAN GROCERY SHOPPING (Oh god oh god oh god - I love America). Next was a rush to a fun ride back up home with a friend (who was sober by this time) and go to a little party slamming tim-tams (OH GOD - if you have never done so, you MUST try!!!). Then, after hanging out with my awesome friends, I headed home, bracing for an all-nighter of paper-writing... Checked in with my GOOD roommates (they were totally not surprised regarding selfish roommate's behavior and the whole mess... We've all acknowledged the lackings in said roommate) and after my obligatory 30 min of procrastination, I started working on the paper. That's when I received the crowning glory of the day: a blip email. The TA said that everyone got a 5-day extension.

I went to bed.

Right now, my side interests are revolving around planning my post-Korea adventures [right now thinking ferry to Osaka->Kyoto->Fuji->Osaka (Ferry)->Shanghai->Yunnan/hiking->MAYBESzechauan(FOOD and Pandas!)->Vietnam (Halong Bay)->Laos->Cambodia->Thailand->Home (or Philippines->home) (OR home/new job/whatever!)], Mom's visit in June [right around the corner - we're doing DMZ, some museums, markets, Jeju-do, and the like], Job hunting, GRE, Arabic, and winning our roommate weight-loss competition (right now one roommate has lost ~10lbs, I have lost 9.8, another has lost 6ish, another 6, and the other claims to have lost nothing - but we're going by percentages... and the one who lost 10 started out at 242), the prize being w250,000 (sorta about $250 - we all throw w50,000 in the pot).

I'm going to escape next weekend for my birthday - going stir-crazy. If the weather's nice, I'm hitting up a beach on one of the nearby islands Sat-Sun.

And now I'm off for a little run :) Later Taters!

I am going insane. :) I've just spent the past two hours (and note that it's 6am) trying to figure out how to get the stupid thesis bound and over to the stupid office (they are requiring in person). At least we're at that stage.

Otherwise, am insane with finals... lots of typing due Monday (Eastern Time) - like 15 pages on two subjects. Just got the assignment.

And then, I am insane with job applications. Job hunt... aniyo! Oh well - it's an adventure.

ALSO, I'm insane with insomnia.

And then I'm insane with GRE studying... That's on June 6.

Oh - and I'm a genius. I just found an Arabic tutor and started that.

Have I forgotten anything? Yes. I'm tired. Off to bed. I consider this a good and sufficient update for now :) I will try catching up with people in a few months.... ha ha ha.

OH YEA - mom's coming to Korea... this is my make-up for missing her Birthday 2 years in a row and Mothers Day 3 years in a row.

Well, my thesis (round 2) is almost done. One more round after this one. I'm clearing my head momentarily. It's looking good! I'm excited :) I THINK she'll like this one more. I've done a LOT of cutting and statistics-hunting. Total of 32 pages of CUT that I LIKED (I pasted it all into another mish-mash document), not to mention the crap... Which means that since it's at 83 pages, I've typed another almost 30 in the past 2 weeks. Could have been worse. I've been averaging 4hrs/night sleep. Some nights I've had to rebel... that might have knocked the average up to 4.5... but that's not too good. I'm going to sleep in tomorrow after this critter...

BUT IT LOOKS COOL. Eynha = GENIUS.

The perfected, final version is due 1 April.

I also got my exam from class... due in a week or so. I'm picking to write this 6-pg paper (wahoo - that's not all that bad!!!) on ANIMAL SACRIFICES (one of three possible subjects) and whether or not religious ritual animal sacrifices ought to be permitted by America's legal system, politically speaking. I am saying yes. But it's gross, so yea. I'm a fan of personal responsibility.

I am dreading filling out the bloody stupid bibliography for The Beast. GAH.

But, with all this stuff considered, I should be graduating this spring :) YAY! MASTER ME! Or Mistress, as I prefer to refer to myself. Mistress Me.

OH - and other happy thought! Dance Classes will be restarting for me in April. I am SO excited! I'm also going to try to pick up a Jazz dance class with my friend Borami. She's awesome. I've been wanting to see more of her. This will all start up 1 April: convenient, no?

No word on payment. Which seriously sucks and is bugging me. I will be checking my bank account tomorrow to see whether something has happened or not. Tomorrow will be a good day. I'm looking forward to it. This is what we call a day at the salon. And Coffee Shop. And yea. :) YAY!

I think I'm over the hellish hump... I see the light. I'm excited. My heart is feeling comparatively light. And that makes me happy.

Oh - and my roommate has decided that we're going to be marathon training. Yea. She wants to run at least a Half Marathon with me, preferably a Full Marathon, before I leave the country. Half is do-able. Full? We'll see. But she and I are going to have an accountability chart up in the middle of the living area for everyone to check our progress. uh HUH. Yea... I'm gonna be racing a military officer :) HA HA HA.

Planning my triumphant Return To The States. For however long I'll be there. It might just be two weeks and then I'm off for another year or so. We shall see. I'm getting a really bad "nesting" itch. But I want to do some fun stuff. BENIGN fun stuff. Totally done with the booze world of excessive boozing like they do over here...

Sadly, I've been missing the asshole ex frequently. GOD, I wish I could have at least maintained a friendship with him. But what friendship is there where there there is a total loss of trust and respect? Oh well. Methinks I'll be single for life :) And I'm planning being awesome the whole ride through :) BUT I think I'll throw myself a wedding for just me, myself, and I... Perfect excuse to get presents and have a party :) I'll wed myself! And then I'll be sure to persuade nieces and nephews that I totally am the best :) Which those who already are in our family's keep are totally convinced of!

One last note. My dog is full of flatulence. It stinks.

Back to The Beast... Then walk pups... then maybe bed!

It's my unlucky time of year again :) I'm hoping to be out of the bad streak - let's see :)

The thesis is mostly done. I'm fixing up the 1st 2 chapters - they both have needed some serious help.

I feel really pathetic these days. There were two things I loved doing over here in Korea and both were taken away from me by someone who claimed to be a friend... God, I hate passive-aggressive antipathy and will avoid drama at all costs, so I'm just missing out.

Also, I'm being toasted by this thesis :) I need super critical feedback and am having trouble finding people of sufficient knowledge/education levels to provide this... at least in a really short time period. Right now, I'm working my butt off, waiting for the advisor to totally butcher it. I'm desperately trying to think of everything she'll try to destroy... and fix it in advance, but there is NO WAY I'll catch everything. I guess it's the waiting for her total onslaught that is eating at me more than anything else. It's due tomorrow morning.

My optimal writing time seems to be between 1 and 6am. The world is silent: I can focus.

OK. I just got a happy thought. My awesome roommate just brought me Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies. They are SO bad for you! and so tasty... I haven't had one in years. Now I have a whole box! I'm going to freeze some. :-D

This same roommate wants us to do a marathon in 5 weeks now. I am pushing to succeed in a 10K... a marathon... oh boy :) I bet I could manage a HALF marathon... But a full one? Ummm... We'll see.

Finally, I've been missing the states. I think visiting and seeing everyone all settled and comfy kinda triggered this.

Lately, I've been baking lots of bread and things of that sort. I'm trying to be good at yeast breads... I'm great with Soda Bread, but yeast is a totally different animal!

It's a sunny day - I think I'll head out on a walk/run later. Although this past week, I tripped and seriously bruised my knees. No running until it's better :( Meh! I think it's almost better!

Well, the work thing is still a mess. I am still owed money. I'm in the middle of a civil law suit through the Korean government (I've heard that they're good), but the company is only accountable for my salary and not for my perks. I'm an idiot for having trusted them. Oh well. We live and learn. If Korea has taught me anything, it's how to be fakely-nice to peoples' faces while bracing me for them to try and stab me in the back later. It's a suckie way to go through life. HA HA HA! But it means I'll do an amazing job in politics :) HA HA HA!

Other than that, life is interesting. I've pieced together two part-time jobs to finish up my time in Korea. It looks like I'll be here until mid-June. If my plans go as I wish them to, I will go from here to China (Yunan province) for a week, to Laos/Cambodia for another week or so... and then back to the states by mid-July or so... off to Greece with Dr. Wick's class... then to work somewhere. But, as we all know, my plans are always changing. Meh.

The thesis is coming along. I'm on pg 66 and trying to organize myself. Right now, I'm writing out a million post-its and going to get a monster poster-board. I want a big chalkboard, but poster-board will suffice this time. Whenever I get my home, I am installing a huge chalkboard... I love them and can organize anything on them... maybe I'll get one of those flippie-ones so I can be thinking about several things :)

Here in Korea, I have to say, I've made some of the greatest friends ever. Often, when living in a transitory community, you establish friendships and then, after you leave, you lose touch. That might happen with many of these friends, but several of them will be close forever, I think. That makes me happy.

I'm trying to develop an addiction to coffee. I think it will help me eat less and lose weight... Coffee and green tea. Who knows... it might work - it might not. I'm determined to slim up, but I hate treadmills and it's cold outside. Maya is evil. I'm going out dancing this weekend - haven't in a long while! But I'm looking forward to it.

Right now, I'm looking for jobs in NYC, DC, and abroad - trying to find something in an NGO, Think Tank, or the US government. Hopefully, I'll have my masters this spring (dependent on when I finish my thesis... the 1st draft needs to be in to the advisor by March 1, the final draft submitted by April 1). Friday night (or another time - working on a NOT Friday night), I'm meeting with a career counselor to try and figure out how much time I should invest in government/thinktank/ngo working before going to a PhD program. OH and a cool thing about being stuck in Korea extra long: They have a PAPER GRE! which I'm going to take this spring. It's June 8?9? But you have to do the writing separately and then the paper one... I do SO much better at paper tests and can prepare for them better, too... So I have to get back to studying for the GRE :) YAY GOOD SCORES!

I think that's it. I stink at keeping up with people these days - lots going on and I want both more and less transpiring - simultaneously. ha haha.

I cracked my elbow this past weekend by slipping on... slippery stuff. It still hurts like mad.... grrr.

Now this gets good...

So as some of you know, my employers (former) owe me 4 months of pay. They kept promising to pay - to no avail. No more Mr. Nice Eynha!

I started last Wednesday - I came in and insisted on speaking with the one who could allocate payment. They refused. I spent 3 hours sternly telling people that I WOULD speak with him... and them running away from me... me clomping through the hallways... humming and singing off-key... I found a golf club and started working on my swing. I dragged the club across the marble floor. I went in and out of offices randomly, loudly chirping "ANYEONG!" I refused to let them shut the door on my conversations. I spoke loudly on the phone. I Sang with my iPod. I stared in windows... They told me that they called the boss and that he'd see me the next day. That he was almost always in the office.

I came in at the pre-set time. The boss hadn't come in... he didn't come in all day. That's OK. I got comfortable and started playing podcasts LOUDLY in the main area, singing to the classical music, clicking my pen, and typing my thesis. I got many bits written. I was there for 5 hours. The receptionist engaged in a sound war with me. I won. I drove them out - they had to answer the phone from another room. They had to move appointments. I asked again to talk to the boss and had down-right blunt rudeness in return (amazing for Koreans). I left with a huge smile, waving goodbye, telling them that I'd see them all tomorrow. Their countenance fell.

Friday, the next day, I came in right after work. I had emailed the boss and told him I'd be here. I walked straight into the main working area (8 desks, 7 of which are occupied), claimed a desk, cranked up the noise, and started the chaos again. I drove them out. They rotated in, trying to get work done. I got a lot more thesis written. I left, again, wishing everyone a happy weekend. They asked if they'd see me Monday. Of course!

Monday I came in, asking to see the boss. He's not here. OK. Next level to the plan. A brilliant friend recommended that I record my adventures. This turned into an idea to run around interviewing people and being a pain. So I started my interviews... With Jose. He was not pleased. I told him what it was for. He asked if he'd get in trouble. Well, maybe if people don't let me speak with the boss! He started talking and answering questions. The phone rang. He excused himself. I stared at him, waiting for him to hang up. I started crunching pringles VERY loudly. I was humming and tapping. He kept talking. I offered pringles to another guy in the work area. He was ecstatic: "I can't afford these!" So I asked if I could record him - he said no. But he answered all my questions! He'd been working there for 4 years. There always seems to be a September-January slump. There is usually pay by the end of January. He had some faith in the company. Jose was getting paid w10M today... WHAT? he's being paid? No wonder he doesn't want me talking to the boss and getting some of the small pile of cash. Chris called the boss. The boss said he'd be in at 5 to talk to me. I stopped recording, sat down, and have been checking email and doing work almost silently (I have trouble being totally silent). Actually, I half-hope that the boss is an ass so I can keep doing the noisy thing. It helps me get work done.

Boss should be here soon.

Chris was amazed at how often I came and how much I was there. He was trying to calculate how much money I should be making and all that stuff... and wondering if I was working. HA. And then I told him that I was coming and being annoying until I was paid... He agreed that I was annoying... but then gave me more hints and said that I'd be even MORE effective if I spoke Korean! Then I could track down the boss' phone number and harass him more directly more frequently. HA HA HA. I gave him the rest of the pringles. He was a very happy man.

Mostly :)

So - update on life 'cause I'm procrastinating.

1. I'm working on my thesis finally. It's coming along... and I'm pleased with the product thus far. I think it will end up being over 120 pages, though. EEP! I'm thinking of how to consolidate it.

2. I'm dating again. Actually going on dates... this is weird for me :)

3. I'm also being haunted by previous boy-situation(s). In a frustrating way. And not P.

4. Back to thesis. This is gonna be a mini masterpiece. I am proving to me that I am smart. Now I just have to show the world, too :)

I'm really stoked right now and had to share it. The pieces of life are falling together. My thesis is coming together and looks AWESOME so far. I'm half-way through the second section of 6. Hopefully this chapter will be done by the end of the week - totally on schedule. I'm having trouble finding some information, but I'm off to the bookstore later today. Hopefully I'll find some of it there.

Coffee is turning into my life's blood. I think my blood will be black soon. It's 11am and I'm brewing my 2nd pot of coffee. Impressive.

The thesis is turning into a piece on democratic transitions and governance according to religion. I really REALLY want to get a job over in Afghanistan or Iraq doing something where I can observe the developments there. I hope to start working on my Arabic again soon... T - I should have kept up with it!

My friends are awesome. It's really great... When you set standards of behavior, others of the same belief/standing find you. Right now, I'm surrounded by good friends who are trying to enjoy life while advancing themselves. We dance, party little bits, and encourage each other. I love intelligent company - that was the one thing I was really lacking for a while over here and found through few people...

I'm working on getting some stuff published... Which is cool. The calendar is out. Which is also cool. Tonight is going to be a bit of a party. I'm also heading on base to investigate working there - volunteer positions or something. The conundrum is my visa - it limits my employment. So volunteering might work. But, again, I have good, supportive friends.

I think that if I work hard, this will come together. I can just feel it coming closer and closer. And I'm getting more and more excited.

Now back to the thesis. *hugs* All be well. Keep in touch, friends :) I can't wait to see how everything unfolds. Hopefully I will be walking this spring... Hoorah!

It's Christmas. It doesn't feel like Christmas over here. I've been in a bit of a "not-so-social" mode lately. Not a bad one - more like I've become sick and tired of the chaotic expat life over here.

I had a bunch of dreams last night... they kept waking me up. Dreams of what was, might have been, and what I may or may have wished to be. Very frustrating.

So my Christmas morning started out a bit low - I opened my stocking from mommy, played with the doggies, and then perked up. I did some research, ran to the grocery store and got a chicken, roasted my chicken and a friend came over and baked southern biscuits, and then flopped to watch a movie with said friend. Then another dear friend popped over 'cause she was cool and knew that I was kinda in hiding from crowds... All was good.

Nice, chill Christmas.

I'm still a bit put aback by those dreams. The contents tell me that I miss that which I lost - or never had - or whatever. I was avoiding dating, for the most part, out of fear of baggage and a point of pride to bring minimal to the table - deal with that before getting involved... now I just don't have time to go out and meet people... or interest in the crazy bar-scene where everyone seems to be. Meh. I'm down to 4 more months. Let people be convinced that I'm a lesbian... Because I'm not dating and haven't for a while, they're saying I switched teams. It's amazingly pathetic.

But Christmas, as a whole, was good and quiet. Watched Harry Potter 4&5 today. Star Wars marathon yesterday. Star Wars and Harry Potter = good. Dogs = good. Friends = good. Research = good. Christmas = awesomely good. :)

One of my friends is talking of renting a lodge in the mountains for a week of learning how to snowboard... I think I will try to join :) Maybe I'll figure out how to get up the correct way. Thankfully, no jerkish, two-faced, ashamed boys this time who say and act one way at one time then hide and lie later. I guess there are still several months where I need to repair associations... snowboarding is definitely one that needs repair.

HAVE AN AWESOME AND HAPPY DAY. Think of happy mountains and crazy Koreans sweeping their dusting of snow away.

To all those in the states, enjoy the real snow. I'm off to sleepie land, looking forward to my great adventure tomorrow.

Right, so I am pushing for my pay. The fun part is that my co-workers are on my side.

The suckie part is that everyone seems to be in the same boat. It seems like the companies who are contracted by the school are pulling out - and trying to pull out without paying the teachers...

I'm thinking of blowing a minor fuse... I will be heading off to the labor board if they don't resolve this soon. As in tomorrow. Suckie part of even THAT is that I'm heading to the states next Tuesday... So I have one week to resolve this.

Please someone shoot me.

Good news - I slept in today so I should have adequate energy to deal with more mess.

Well, I live in the realm of Dog-dom. The puppies have been horrible at being house-broken and I've since discovered why (the other trainer has not been consistent with the rewards... so as I was training them on my own....):

Homer, my golden lab 4-month puppy, the lover of all things treat-wise and the lover of all forms of approval, decided to try for some extra treats. In the dark, he squatted, put forth a valient effort, and produced... nothing. Up he leapt, striding directly over to me, sitting down, and looking expectantly at me, rotating between my eyes and pocket. I hunted to ensure that there truly was no poop. He stayed put! Not moving any part of his body but his eyes. Waiting for that treat. There really was nothing. Not a drop, not a blop... nothing. He was traumatized when I started walking again after not giving him that treat. HA HA HA. He euphorically received one later when he DID produce a poop... about 20' away.

The next day, I took them out:

Homer rushes out, pees, runs back to me, sits down, looks expectantly. Soju rushes out, sees Homer peeing, sits down, and looks expectantly. Homer receives treat. Soju traumatized.

Homer bounds down the path, chewing. Soju depressed and keeps staring at me. Homer squats, pushes out a little bit of poop, gets up, looks at me expectantly, I laugh. Soju hovers, looking at me expectantly. Homer squats again, pushing out a full poop. Soju continues looking expectantly. Homer receives treat. Soju traumatized.

On the walk, then Soju pushes out a huge poop and 3 pees. Homer only got out the one poop and one pee (not counting his little squirt at the end). Homer was depressed as Soju kept receiving treats off and on throughout the walk. Soju looked triumphant - he figured out the system!

It was too funny.

And today? Just 2 more days later:

The puppies did not mess inside AT ALL this morning; I was veritably impressed. So I decided to wait. Homer had informed me last night that he needed to go out (WOOT! That was a first) and even though it was 3am, I was so proud of him that I took him out (he didn't have to go much, though.. hmmm). I loitered around while the puppies were sleeping, and as soon as I started making lunch, Homer sprinted up to me, wiggling his butt SO fast that he unintentionally squirted. "Do you need to go out, Homie???" *thrashing wiggle* "OK"

I took him out and he spilled out enough urine to flood half the city! I was SO PROUD OF HIM! What a good puppy.

Just had to share. Some people have children... I have a puppy :) I like puppies better. *giggles*

Ha ha...
Well, for Korean "Thanksgiving" (Chusok), we went down to Busan on the South coast of Korea. It's the 2nd largest city in the country and has some sweet beaches! The adventure was a blast in and of itself (the overnight bus-ride was hell, the pringles created a lot of methane, we got lost trying to find the hotel, I fell asleep on the beach and got a great sunburn...) but the great story comes on day 2... Sunday, specifically. ( Read more... )

I've learned a lot in the past year or so. It's interesting to look at myself now and think of how far I've come. A lot has been good... not much bad, unless you consider learning additional pessimism :-D

The one problem I'm getting bugged with these days is that I keep being surrounded by boys. I don't quite know what to do about it. I want my space, but nice boys keep interfering. I'm weighing the benefits and detriments to how extreme I need to draw the line. I was planning on just avoiding them for a while, but... *sigh* they just keep bumping into me.

My new roommate is a neat freak. Which is fun. I am anal about keeping neat things neat, so I'm doing find being super clean.

I gotta figure out what's up with my old roommate. I think we had a falling out without me realizing it. Right now I'm debating asking her about it... that is one thing I love about the new roommate. She's as blunt - actually more so - than I am.

Work is as fun as ever. I love my students and they love me too. I'm pooped. My students are offering to come over and help me figure out how to run our special oven :)

Right now, I'm still taking dance... I guess I suck... or I had something else happen that I don't know about. I don't know. I just feel a bit isolated from a bunch of the girls there, and I'm not sure why. Probably it's just me. :) I'm paranoid. Although I do suck at dancing :) Unless I've been drinking... and then I'm the best dancer around!

I need to take the GRE and get going on my applications. ARGH.

The puppies are awesome. And annoyingly un-housebroken. But they make me smile.

I need to get back into running. Sadly, I'm not right by the river anymore so it's a bit tougher. Blah. Oh well.

Again.

It sucks.

BUT, today, this afternoon, I napped... again. I seem to have become a nocturnal creature :)

Taking a practice GRE on Friday.. and have been unproductive studying. I plan on studying all the time I can't sleep now :) Maybe that will help the insomnia.

My body is really tired and sore. Lower back has been hurting lots - and I did a lot of lunges the other day so my butt is screaming - and I did an awesome lower-ab workout so my abs are twitching still - my feet are aching and swollen from running in bad shoes and I have popped blisters on my heels and pinky toes - my calves are too taught and have tension strings running through them - my neck aches from not sleeping - and I'm just tiiiiired. Sounds great, eh?

I'm probably going to be moving in with another friend. She has puppies. A Husky and a Golden Lab (4 months and 2 months respectively). This'd shorten my commute a bit and give me some puppy company. I like puppies more than cats!

Wakked boy hasn't responded to this last email I sent out - Dad and I wrote it together. I was about as blunt and direct as can be. Kinda was hoping for a response for another chance to think about how horrible a person he is... Oh well. I think he might have finally gotten the point. There are nicer people around :)

Went out and had a blast last weekend... going out again this weekend. Girl time rules.

I still don't know when I work or what I'm doing. The next session is supposedly starting on Monday, I think. But, erm, I've received nothing. The program is a bit of a mess.

full of rugby and mental healing. Which was good. If you're on facebook, you can see some of the 9x60 photos I posted of the girls and guys games. I'm losing weight, but the pictures of my hamstrings reminded me that there is still a ways to go :)

I'm working on my belly dance stuff. I didn't think that the hw assignment was due tonight, but my roommate is sure it is. Erm. So I'm working on that.

I'm working on figuring this out... tell me why, after I've TOLD him I'm cutting everything, I've not responded to his emails since, I unfriended him on facebook, and I left pretty much no doubt that I really am not wanting to waste time on him... did I get yet another email from him out of the blue less than a week after he sent the last, unresponded to, message? The man is trying hard.

But I just don't get why. He doesn't want to fail, that is obvious. I was his best friend over here and primary companion for nearly a full year. We both acknowledge that we clicked on an abnormally awesome level.. Is he consciously trying to hold me in the background in case this relationship falls through? STILL??? The last email I got from him was in response to my tying up all lose ends... it began with my pet name and then went directly into "I will never forget you" and then into how wonderful I am and how he's sure I'll find the happiness I so richly deserve. Was I right to be disgusted?

But, regardless, I am happy it's over AND I'm now looking back at it, appreciating the good that came of it. I do think that Daddy had the most accurate read on the situation, surprisingly, and sometimes wonder why things couldn't have ended in another, more benign manner. But good did come out of it, regardless. I've found more and more little things that he did or showed me or got me... I didn't come out with just a wound :) So I am at peace. But still debating about responding to this last one... Not sure if I should be really harsh about keeping things cut or not. (his emails are automatically filtered into my "Deal with Later" folder... which I occasionally notice if there are additional messages...) Working on it... men.

So those are my thoughts of the day.

I had an awesome road trip with the girls this weekend, complete with hobo meals, beach sunburn, hello kitty beach ball, getting lost on a mountain in a torrential downpour, stuffing myself on duk galbi (SOOOOOo goood), sleeping in the car, and a dearth of directions... 12 hrs of driving - with no american or international drivers license (my US license not only expired, but was also stolen in China) - then 6 the other way :) It was good.

I woke up today with a regret regarding that afore-mentioned boy... a sad thought. I don't often have sad thoughts or regrets about him.

Then I was speaking with my dad and discovered that my grandpa (Dad's Dad) has been diagnosed with Kidney Cancer. They didn't give a date. They can't do anything about it. He's in his late 80's.

Now I am trying to brain-rest up. This week launches my intense GRE prep for 3 hardcore weeks. Vocabulary memorization and math work... eep. All I want to do right now is hide. I can't understand why I feel sad after the great weekend... Grandpa is not unexpected. He's had a foot dangling over the grave for 4 years now. The boy... that is so over - my brain has blocked him out... There is no space or time to waste on a liar and deceiver (oooo - the story got even better!). I just don't know. I think a bit of protein and some activities might help :)

Rugby tourney this weekend - I have been to one practice and one game this year. There haven't been many practices... or games. I want to bail and hide some more. I just realized - I am in a serious "hide" mode! I wonder why.

OK, so I stole this and don't want to read Faulkner for tomorrow...
( Read more... )